Cheese cake- The Cake of cheese loved by mice, rats and holiday makers, globally famous mice like Danger Mouse, Mini Mouse (Mickey hates that shit), and Rizzo Rat of Muppets fame, Rizzo left The Muppets briefly due to his abuse of the substance known as Cheese Cake, grinding it up to a fine powder and snorting it, or huffing it out of a bag. Cheese Cake can sometimes have the wrong quota of cheese and cream within its mixture, when the cheese cake becomes too creamy it essentially becomes sun tan lotion and can be applied so that you are entirely immune to the powers of the sun and the sun god Ra, screw you Ra I have cheese Cake.
Triple Chocolate Fudge cake- Loved by the chocolate worshiping cult of earth/ Midgard it’s a little known fact but Thor and Loki are actually fighting about who gets to eat this cake, it is the biggest problem within their sibling rivalry. Loki is generally pissed because Thor always uses his hammer to cut the delicious cake up instead of a knife and there ain’t much left for Loki after that, he just sits there as Thor licks hammer.
Coconut Cake – who loves coconut cake? For one, the sand people from Star Wars “the Sand people will return and in greater numbers” said Obi Wan, especially if you have coconut cake, on the downside the coconut flakes get trapped in their Banthas luxurious hair. For seconds, anyone who has ever been stranded on a desert island, for instance Tom Hanks, Castaway was actually a documentary about a terrible holiday, Mr Hanks now hates coconuts and coconut cake so much he would rather eat his good buddy and comedy sidekick volleyball Wilson … I’M SORRY WILSON!!!
Banana Loaf – I know what you’re thinking- who loves bananas? Apes, monkeys, primates- wrong! There wasn’t any banana loaf in Planet of the Apes even those highly evolved apes said don’t mix that with bread, they blew that stuff up along with the statue of liberty. Bananas should only come from those magic yellow tubes, that if are not opened will become giant yellow butterflies. Don’t believe me? Then why does the banana closely resemble the Pokémon Metapod? – That’s right bananas are just a yellow Metapod everyone.
Victoria Sponge – invented by Queen Victoria only to be eaten by royalty, that’s right us plebs can’t touch these cakes. Unless born to the correct bloodlines we are simply denied the right to eat the combination of butter cream sponge and jam. Why else would anyone marry Prince Charles? For the cake! Until the world is a republic no Victoria sponge for us. “Let them eat cake!” said a princess once. But just not Victoria sponge.