The Importance of Lunching Earnest by @doitinprivate

Lunch is a big deal.  We’re very concerned about lunch.  It’s the first thing we talk about at work.  “What’d you bring for lunch?” “What are you doing for lunch?” “Let’s go to lunch!”  We just ate eggs, toast, cereal, a beverage that’s closer to a milkshake than coffee.  We had food in mouths literally a half-hour ago, and we’re acting like we’re in an End Hunger Now commercial.

Life is hard.  That’s why need lunch.  We need a lunch “break.”  People used to get a lunch “hour.” Employers thought that was too luxurious.  “Sixty whole minutes to shove food into their faces?  Who do these people think they are, Marie Antoinette?  Let’s cut that time in half!”  So now we eat in thirty minutes what we used to eat in an hour.  Just don’t ask us to do anything else faster at work.

We use lunch a lot in our language.  “Out to lunch.”  “Lose your lunch.”  “They’re going to eat our lunch.”  If you’re distracted, nobody says you’re out to breakfast.  You’re not worried about the competition eating your dinner.  Why not?  They’re meals, too.  

I’d rather be out to breakfast than out to lunch.  Fluffy pancakes, golden waffles, perfectly folded omelets with more ingredients than wardrobe changes at a combo Lady Gaga and Katy Perry show — I can make a sandwich, no problem.  And the competition’s not going to stop with my lunch.  They’re going to want my dinner, too.  It costs more.  Especially if you order appetizers.

The idea of losing our lunch is so horrible, it makes us sick to our stomachs.  We use it as a euphemism for vomiting.  “I’m going to lose my lunch.”  How’d that happen?  The first time I heard it, I was so disgusted I never wanted to eat lunch again.  Who decided that lunch is the meal we’re using in that scenario?  Probably International House of Pancakes, or maybe Waffle House. 

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