My Confessions by @martiniscorsese

1.) I was more drunk than I should’ve been at my own wedding (in my defense I had a cough and my dad assured me Jim Beam soothes sore throats. After all, I didn’t want to be coughing at the altar)

2.) While working at phone retailer I used to get out of transferring people’s photos by telling them a preview of every photo is visible while it transfers

3.) I kicked a bird while going into work one morning because I was in a shitty mood (I honestly hate myself for this one & cry about it when I drink too much)

4.) My sister had her first baby this February (hooray! He’s a healthy baby boy!) I was holding him minutes after he was born when the nurse (who I still pray to this very day has been hit by bus) decided it was a great idea to move my sister to her new room and when they moved her I saw a startling mixture of blood, poo & what I can only assume was Chef Boyardee after being shat out by a dead dog. Now when I see my precious nephew all I can see is that deadly concoction and how he was slathered in it like a pig in mud on a hot summer day.

5.) I spent 2 hours of company time looking up high quality GIF’s of head shots from the movie The Departed

6.) I think the Drake & Future mixtape is trash

7.) When I was 5 my sister was 7 and I asked what a French kiss was she kissed me and jabbed her tongue in my mouth a couple times (she did clarify before hand that it didn’t mean she liked me so I wasn’t too heartbroken when it didn’t happen again)

8.) Sometimes I wonder if my sister still kisses that way

9.) My favorite song to listen to when I masturbate is Imogen Heap’s Hide & Seek

10.) I once drank my own piss for a one dollar in mixed change because I wanted Happy Hour at Sonic

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