The House Cat and the Alley Cat

Once there was a house cat, and like all house cats, she was a notorious whore. She would strut about the neighborhood and spray her weird cat juices on stuff and take all comers. Thanks to the feminists she had been spayed and now she knew she could get it from whomever she wanted, whenever she wanted.

And she did: Tabby, Calico, Copy, Hell, Jellical, Hep, Black, Cheshire, Siamese, Pussy, M, Cool, Feral, Jazz, Samurai-Pizza, Hairless, Aristo, Laid-Back, Tom, Bob, Bear, Mud and Wild Cats of all kind and sexual preference.

There was another cat, a cat that lived in the alley but had a little more self-respect. She might have looked like a ball of furry garbage, but she knew that she was worth more than a cheap pump on top of a fence. She had lived a few of her nine lives already and had learned a thing or two.

One day, while the house cat was slumming for someone to cop a feline, the two crossed paths. The alley cat kept her eyes down but the house cat spoke up.

“Excuse me, could I ask you a question?”

“If you wish,” replied the alley cat as she turned to face the house cat.

“I never see you at the cat orgies, I was wondering why? You certainly are pretty enough, if we got you cleaned up a bit,” said the house cat with more than a hint of arrogance.

“I have been invited before many times, everyone has, they are not very choosy at those parties. I think they are just glad when someone is dumb enough to show up” said the alley cat and she turned and began to walk away.

“Oh, I see, you are one of those uptight cats who is too scared to try anything that might be a little spicy. I bet you wouldn’t know what to do with a man if one was blind enough to have you” said the house cat, suddenly defending herself.

“Girl, you don’t know a thing. I’ve been with jungle cats, keyboard cats, Fritz, Felix and Heathcliff. Believe me, I have done it cat style, doggy style and free style. I just know how to make them work a bit for it. That’s the difference between the two of us, you don’t even know what you got” said the alley cat and she walked away.

“Prude” called the house cat into the darkness.

“Slut” the darkness replied.

Later that year, they alley cat inherited a fortune from her first husband who never stopped loving her (Garfield) and the house cat died of feline aids. Which is a real thing.